Jealousy happens in a relationship when one partner fears they may lose the other to someone else. If your partner is constantly flirting with other people or intentionally behaving in ways that make you insecure, your jealousy is understandable – and you should think about whether your partner deserves your devotion.
If however it’s your own insecurities that are making you feel anxious and fearful all the time, you run the risk of damaging or even ruining your relationship for unfounded reasons.
Are you sick and tired of feeling jealous and insecure? Here are some steps you can take to start overcoming it.
6 steps to overcoming feelings of jealousy in a relationship
1. Believe your partner
Sounds simple enough, but if your partner says they’re being faithful, believe them. Remind yourself that if they are cheating on you, they’re not worth your time, energy and painful emotions in the first place. On the other hand, someone who is loyal but constantly being accused of the opposite can become angry and frustrated, which will eventually drive them away.
2. Recognise when you’re being jealous
Quit the passive-aggressive act. If you’re feeling jealous, figure out why, and if you feel you have a legitimate reason, speak to your partner calmly and maturely. Being able to understand your feelings and vocalise them clearly is a critical step.
3. Look at your relationship from an outside perspective
If it were a friend in your position, would you think their jealousy was understandable or irrational? If the former, you need to take a hard look at your relationship and be honest with yourself about whether you deserve better. If the latter, refer to point 1.
4. Wear an elastic band around your wrist
If you’ve ascertained that your jealousy is irrational, learn to recognise when you feel it rising – then snap the elastic around your wrist to literally snap yourself out of it. Painful? Yes. Effective? Definitely!
5. Start to explore the reasons for your jealousy
A major driver of jealousy is a lack of self-worth. Beginning to address this problem can be a long, painful and complicated journey, but the results are worth it. If you struggle with low self-esteem and a poor image of yourself, consider talking to a therapist or counsellor, or investing in self-help books to help you start to improve your self esteem. Once you start to believe you’re a worthy person, your insecurities will slowly begin to improve too.
6. Keep a journal
Every time you feel your insecurity bubbling up, grab your journal and start writing about your feelings. Not only will this stop you from venting at your partner in a fit of rage, but it will help you identify when the emotions usually occur and what triggers them – and it will calm you down in the moment, preventing irreparable damage.
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